UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
