OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
