well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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