i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
