we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
