I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
