he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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