What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize