Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
