I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
