How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
