she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
