I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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