Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
