listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
