she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
