she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
