My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
