By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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