No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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