Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
