Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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