I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
