After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I love you. Go after that dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
