I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
