Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
