by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
