When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
