Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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