i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
