you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
