sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
