My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
