i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
