Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
