I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize