i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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