We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
