I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
