It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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