You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
