They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
