I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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