Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
