oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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