you guys were way drunker than both of me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
