ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
