wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
