Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
