I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you win again, gameday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
