; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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