There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
