I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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