you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
