I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
