in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
