I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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