i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
