You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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