You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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