that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
