I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
