Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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