your parents love me but you hate me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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