Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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