You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
