I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
wow bdsm is so cute
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
