After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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