Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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