Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
