so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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