shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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