I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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